"Look, I'm sorry if I came off a little nutso, I'm not really."
Maybe some of you live a life that just does not allow for you to watch MTV or VH1 between the hours of 4- 7 a.m. when they ACTUALLY play music videos, but if you don't you are missing a jewel of a video. Justin Timberlake's (or J.Tim as he will forever be referred to in this blog) new single "What Comes Around Goes Around" is a tragically awful 9 minute long movie starring himself and his new rumored gf (cool kids abbrev. folks), Scarlett Johansen. Now, please don't get me wrong, I am quite the J.Tim fan, however while watching this video all I wanted was for it to be over, but like most car accidents (ironically, this is how the video actually ends), I couldn't look away. Basically, they meet one night, he whispers dirty, sweet nothings into her ear, they go do the horizontal hokey-pokey, two weeks (months?) later he's tragically in love and telling Shawn Hatosy ("Outside Providence" and one of the alpha-dick high school kids in "In and Out") that he wants to marry her. Other crap happens, but it's not my point so if you really want to see it I suggest you watch it (I have generously provided it below). My point is, kids, that there is a point in the video when Scarlett jumps into the pool and "drowns", to which J.Tim oh-so-heroicly saves her only to find that she was faking it, to which he calls her crazy. Somebody literally made the conscious decision to put this in the video, alluding to that lovely hollywood stereotype that guys dig crazy chicks.
Rest assure fellow crazies, this is simply a rumor. Firstly, if we're gonna run with this whole crazy thing let's lay the ground rules. According to the video and movies like "Garden State", "Eternal Sunshine" or "Crazy Beautiful", crazy chicks are just different than the poor fools who fall for them. They probably listen to "the band that will change your life", dye their hair a different color out of boredom or don't ever wear bras and jump up and down on a bed (any coincidence that 2 of these movies have Kirsten Dunst?). They also probably like to dance really goofily, dress all funky, are "sex crazed" and have a tendency to have a really intimate moment, preferably post-coital or in a bed somehow, where they bare the childhood memory that shaped their craziness. One thing is for sure though, they will always have some moment when some problem that the lucky fella can in some vague way relate to, becomes so incredibly overwhelming they have some emotional breakdown where their true craziness/vulnerabilities come on out to this dude, usually involving crying, screaming and probably violence of some sort, allowing him his glorified moment to feel like el jeffe when she finally calms down.
So, do chicks like this exist? Yes. Do men find them incredibly attractive and fall madly in love with them? Well, as a crazy (fortunately not to the fullest extent) I'm sad to say no. But next week when Jake Gyllenhaal is knocking down my door because he simply can't live his life without the crazy chicky in red suede boots and too much black eye liner that he met at the Sticky Fingers Band concert last week, I'll let y'all know.
"T-shirt and my panties on."
I am a tried and true romantic, and despite my cynical ways, truly LOVE the V-day. Despite everyone shoving "it's a holiday created by greeting card companies" down my throat, I simply can't help but value a holiday where people come together to celebrate love. Despite being single for most of the Valentine's Days in my life, I take time out of my busy schedule to find the perfect card and/or trinket for all those loved and special people in my life. Being an intern at a TV show I'm constantly around a TV set to the on position. And what I can't help but notice this Valentine's is that every effing morning show has had some kind of lingerie specialist on, talking about what ensemble I can concoct for the lucky gentleman in my life. This very morning on the Today Show they had lingerie for plus sized women and a couple of days ago on Martha they had a La Perla specialist show off their goodies. All over the morning air waves there are women skinny and heavy, short and tall, old and young prancing around in lacy things.
Now, while I love Valentine's Day, and the idea of a sexy, romantic rendevouz with some man I'm madly in love with and can't take my hands off of sounds awesome, what in the hell is the point of lingerie?? Why do companies like Agent Provocateur make hundreds of dollars on lacy garters and mechanical looking stomach things with all these snaps and buttons and zippers? The stuff is going to come off anyway! And there's not very much material! I just don't get it. Bras and panties? That's one thing people, they are already on under the clothing you're wearing to your romantic, expensive dinner that you made reservations for two months ago, but there's no need to disrupt the flow in order to change outfits; You're not Christina Aguilera and this is not the Billboard Music Awards. Maybe it's cause I'm not married, and I don't need to spice up 10 years of monotony, but I think lingerie is pointless. And furthermore, until a man decides to pop out of the bathroom in a $100 elephant banana-hammock (let's play a game of "what goes in the trunk") made of silk chinese baby hair just to get me all hot and bothered, I'm not putting on any crazy high wasted thing with boning and a stomach-sucking-in mechanism.
"Do you want my body? Do you want my Viper?"
I couldn't possibly talk about trends and pop-culture of the past week without mentioning the death of Anna Nicole Smith. But who was Anna Nicole? We all know about the old (now dead) man husband, the Trimspa, the baby-daddy disputes, the crazy antics, etc. But what was really going on there? I really have no answer for you. All I know was that I was, nay, still am an Anna fan. I have nothing witty or funny to say because I actually kind of adored her; I've seen every episode of the Anna Nicole Show, and have been ready to buy the seasons on dvd since their release (if only I wasn't cheap about buying myself DVD's), and I've followed all of the stories. She entertained us and she was someone I wanted to save, just like I think everyone else did, and for that reason I think Anna was awesome.
Enjoy Defamer's homage to Anna's most entertaining moments.
http://defamer.com/hollywood/anna-nicole-smith/defamer-presents-8-great-anna-nicole-youtube-moments-235419.php
Au revoir and enjoy whatever this lovely week will have to offer us!
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6 comments:
For some reason I watched the entire video for "What Goes Around.../...Comes Around"
And is in fact, nine or so minutes of Justin Timberlake doing things to make himself look cool. Like driving. And singing.
And, speaking as a man, yes, we love ourselves some crazy biatches. Espacally schizo's. Goddamn that's hot.
I do not tell a lie! That video is so crapulous not even J.Tim and all of his sexiness can save it!
Dude, Mike, I know the crazies must be giving the love right back to you with your funky, crazy dance moves and massive beer pong abilities.
I wrote you a super long comment. And then it got deleted cause I'm at work and kept minimizing the window as my boss came around. I'll tell you about my comment in person.
As a fellow lover of JT, I too was incredibly disappointed with the video for What Goes Around. What a 9 minute long piece of crap. And Scarlett...what were you thinking?
wheres the next blog, dang.
The next blog will be up tonight! Promise!
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