Paris Hilton doesn't have a license and I could care less.

"Updation Nation"
Just a little update. Check out the fam of hotties. Love them. Every time I see one of these pictures I cross my fingers and hope that my future family looks just like this. Hmmm.... a girl can dream.


(perezhilton.com pics!)

"The Power of Christ Compels You"
Dear God,
It's me again... I'm sorry to keep on your ass about this (I know I can get pushy) but I don't think you read my letter last week. Listen, Brit-brit has gotten worse! I read a report the other day saying that she's in rehab writing 666 on her bald (and unfortunately not so shapely- I wonder if the lumps distorted the writing, hmm...)head. Then she started screaming something about being the anti-christ. Now, I know you really aren't supposed to be helping those that declare that they're evil and work against your forces of good and all, but please, I'm telling you, there's no way she could possibly be THAT crazy! I mean maybe she just needs a hug, or a cadbury cream egg (and what good timing for her to get one, huh? You don't even need to pull any strings), or, like... a singing telegram from a midget (I'm sorry, I suppose I mean little person. Wouldn't want to offend anyone) in a floppy eared, plushy, puppy costume. I don't know, I'm desperate! Britney's my girl! We've had so many good times together, like in 8th grade when she was first on the cover of Rolling Stone in a bra with Tinkie-Winkie. Adrian brought in that magazine (I had a killer crush on him! I mean, I know you remember- you were there! You're my homeboy, God- always got my back) and I hated her. Fast forward like 5 or 6 years when Toxic came out, and there was no denying her, with her perfect blonde locks and her cute pink cotton panties peeking through that little stewardess skirt... she was so cute! I even went out and bought her greatest hits CD! If I can get over my beef, you can too! It's just a little suicidal, anti-christal action, nothing for you to hold against her! I mean really, OJ killed someone and he wasn't even found guilty, surely you can work your magic on Britney. Do it for me. I'm not faring too well knowing that poor Brit is stuck in some high end rehabilitation center apparently going loco in the coco and trying to hang herself from the lighting fixture with a sheet (hopefully they're silk sheets. We wouldn't want any cotton, 200 thread count touching the bare and delicate neck skin of the princess.)

So please, stop whatever it is that you're doing up there and take some time to save Britney. I'd do it, but they don't let "normies" around the celebrities.

Answer my prayers & love always, your homie,
Miss A-train

"I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said Lola"
I realize that what I am about to say may prompt someone to call me a hater (it's been a slow celebrity gossip week), however, being the fearless blogger that I am trying to become, I'm going to go for it; Kirsten Dunst is gross. This isn't news, she hasn't done anything gossip worthy, but she's gross. She's a skinny girl with little droopy boobs and that homeless-chic derelicte thing going on. However, for some reason men fucking love her! Why, guys? What is so adorable about Kirsten Dunst? She plays the same role in every movie (go back to the whole "guys dig crazy chicks" thing) and there's almost always a scene in the movie where she's braless and bouncing. I mean, listen fellas, I love "Bring It On" too, but come on! She used to date the sexy of all sexy, my beloved Jakey, and I'm just dumbfounded by it. Check out the pic, and shed some light on me peeps.


(perezhilton.com pics!)

"You're a bad-hearted boy-trap, babydoll"
Jeff Goldblum may be a devastating 33 years older than me, but that has never stopped my love affair with him (it all started with Jurassic Park). Although he is from Shittsburgh, PA, he has a new show on NBC, that although I may never watch looks slightly interesting, and this recent resurgence to the public eye makes him this weeks Tres Chic A-train Man of the Moment. I don't know if it's the neurotic Woody Allen tendencies or the tall dark and handsome thing he has going on, but he's sexy. So congrats Jeff, cause I know being the man of the moment on this little blog has been your goal in life, and fret not hotness your life is now complete.