I always listen to 'NSYNC's Tearin' Up My Heart. It reminds me to wear a bra.

I want to apologize in advanced because I'm not going to mention the Oscars in this blog posting. I'd love to say that my reasoning is something like I'm against promoting the commercialization of the film industry because it takes away from the art and craft in its purest form. Yea, right. I fucking love the Oscars! I love all the beautiful celebrities, the mishaps, Ellen rocks (except I'm not really feeling the Mr. Hooper, a la Threes Company, neck scarf thing she's been doing as of late on her show), but most of all, I love playing fashion police!!!! Seriously, I love it. But because I didn't get to see it I'll keep my judgments short and sweet; Meryl Streep and Ann Hathaway looked underdressed and heinous, and J.Lo was absolutely gorgeous.

Ok. So much for not talking about it. Anyway, on to the good stuff.

"But Angie, Angie, ain't it good to be alive?"
Who are the bad-ass mother fuckers who skipped out on the Oscar's to stroll around their new home town of New Orleans? My favorite American Family, the Jolie-Pitt's. I'm not going to lie, I love them for one main reason- they are the best looking family in existence EVER! Brad Pitt really never did it for me, but he is undeniably a very good looking man. So, take him and the GODdess that is Ms. Jolie, seriously she is so amazingly god damn gorgeous, put them together in a room till they're pressing each others mommy-daddy buttons and the baby making magic begins, aka the messiah. Add Zahara (the most beautiful child in existence) and Maddox, with his adorable, and ridic. expensive, vintage rock tees (did baby sized Bob Dylan t-shirts exist when Bob Dylan was still a huge rocker?) and you have God's chosen people, forget the Jews (it's ok. I'm a part of the tribe).

Do you realize what a huge statement this is? Two of the biggest and currently most talented actors skipped out on the fucking OSCARS to hang out in New Orleans with their babies! WHAT? That's crazy! That's like going all 19th century and slapping someone across the face with your glove to "challenge them to a duel". Leave it to Angie to be one scandalous, toasty-ass bitch.



(perezhilton.com photos!)

On a side note: I was watching the Angelina Jolie E! True Hollywood Story and heard this actual quote describing her high school days-
"She wasn't a cheerleader. She liked knives"

BAD-ASS.

"You drive me crazy- The Britney Spears Reality Edition"
Dear God,
I'm writing to you on behalf of Britney Spears. I fear that Miss Britney has gone crazy. I'm not sure why or how, but my grandma blames "that sonofombitch" (actual pronunciation) Kevin Federline. But God, I don't think my grandma is right. I think she was crazy before him and that's why she married him and decided to bring not one, but TWO innocent little babies into this world. I mean no one in their right mind would think they're capable of taking care of babies when they can't even put on their make up appropriately. God, Britney just shaved her head, got a new tatoo and went in and out of rehab 3 1/2 times. What ever will she do? I hope you're up there keeping a close watch on her, I mean I know there's global warming and AIDS going on, but I really think Britney deserves your attention. After all, Britney provided us a service; she entertained us. Without Britney we wouldn't know the wonders of very strategically placed body jewels, or that there is a second Jason Alexander out in this huge world, or the wonders of post-baby vaginas sans panties, or how easy it is to be a bad mommy when you almost drop your baby in front of the PAP, or how much people really don't care about Christina Aguilera when you would much rather just see Britney and Madge make out. News flash God, the world is going to end at some point anyway, and soon enough we're all just going to have so much sex with each other that we'll all have STD's, so really? What makes more sense saving the whole wide world, or Miss Britney Lynn Spears and thus saving a little piece of all of us?

I ask you to consider this God.

All my undying, eternal love. You're loyal servant,
Miss A-train


"I wish I could quit you"
Being EL bollo loco that I am, I think it's only appropriate that I instate the official boy of the moment in this blog. So, without further ado, I present the first Tres Chic Atrain Man, THE Jake Gyllenhaal. No worries, Jakey, you're no passing fad. You have held a place in my heart since Bubble Boy, but with all the publicity you've been doing, and my discovery of this picture (below) my heart just began fluttering all over again. What's not to love? He's super foxxxy, he's debonair and charming, he seems like a sincerely nice guy (unfortunately, I have no first hand experience), he's close with his family, he's ridiculously well dressed and has the most amazing man ass I have ever seen (thank you Jarhead). So, here's to you my darling Jake. Welcome to the club.


(perezhilton.com photo!)

"Big Bright Green Pleasure Machine"
Working on a TV show where they hand out free crap all the time has it's perks when every once in a while (a very rare while) you score some free loot yourself. I recently got my hands on a Badge Factory, for those of you who are not as hip and with it as I am (ehhh...) it's a really oddly shaped pin maker (big, bright green and has some crazy arm and crank thingies). This thing allows you all kinds of artistic freedom. Now, I generally write about huge fads all over the tabloids and in the public eye, but this is a modest proposal of my own; I think pins need to make a come back. I'm not talking broaches Upper East Side style, or sticking a bunch of pins onto suspenders Friday's style (in here it's always Friday) or putting some teenage angst filled "I hate everyone" pins, very high school style, but rather very cute and classy, personalized pins. I originally made a Save Britney pin (scary Britney face and ransom note letters), but it came out looking more like Save Itney, so I tried pretty patterns instead... I'm channeling Martha here, folks.


(this picture looks really crappy... sorry!)

And furthermore, you would be surprised how good it feels to be the slightest bit creative when you're having a case of the Monday's or the Mean Reds. Therefore, when all you crazy cats have had a pretty shiteous day you should go out into that big bad world, get yourself a badge factory and make some pretty pattern pins that just make you feel the slightest happier and prettier. Ya dig?

hoping you're having a better week than me.